Always Ask The Child’s Mother First

Love & Kisses ✿ sha 1 comments
Another good article yg patut korang baca.
Memang la kadang-kadang ada budak-budak yg we cannot resist nak bg diorg mkn coklat atau gula-gula. But please, please, please, ASK THE MOTHER first ya.

Aku memang cukup tak suka bila orang pandai-pandai bg anak kita makan gula-gula or whatsoever junk food without my permission. Memang la kesian budak nak makan tapi kalau tanya pd aku dulu, apa la salahnya. Aku boleh je distract balik my children and bg diorang makan benda lain.

Memang la orang ckp, ala nanti dah besar diorang makan jugak jajan2 semua tu. But as for me, selagi diorang masih di bawah jagaan aku, di bawah kawalan aku, I will try my best to control them. Bila dah di luar kawalan aku, itu lain cerita, nak buat mcm mana kan. Dah besar nanti pandai-pandai la jaga diri sendiri. At least time kecik-kecik ni takde la kena kencing manis ke hapa, mcm anak kwn aku tu. He's only 7 yrs old, and already been diagnosed with diabetes. and berpunca sbb minum air gas everyday. kesian oke.

So sila la baca ya.

Always Ask The Child’s Mother First

Before I had them, I was the doting aunt that didn’t mind being around kids.

There was once a baby shower where boyfriends, husbands and kids were invited.  A cute little boy (whose mom was then an acquaintance but has now become a good friend) came running up to me.  I was seated at the dessert table, and he pointed towards the goodies behind me.  I saw he was asking for a brownie, and I automatically reached over to get one for him.  He was too cute to resist!

Somewhere in the motions of me reaching for the brownie and him reaching up towards the said dessert, I caught his mom’s gaze from afar.  smiled and mouthed, “he’s asking for this“.  My hand hadn’t made it all the way down (and his fingers were inches away from the brownie) when she jumped up and ran to get him, saying, “No no no no…” to me.  She did it very pleasantly, but in the end the little boy realized he’d been spotted and that he wasn’t going to get his brownie treat.  He started to cry, but his (wise) mom was able to distract him quickly enough with something else.

I also caught my then-boyfriend-now husband looking at me and he reprimanded, “You should have asked first.”

What I couldn’t understand then is something I TOTALLY understand, practice and advocate now.

I find I’m constantly in that mom’s shoes:  pulling my kids away because well-meaning friends, family and relatives just hand my kids sweets, treats, and all these other things without checking with me first.  I understand everyone just wants to see them happy, but it doesn’t make my job as a parent any easier (and parenting is already hard to begin with!).  In fact every time I’m put in this position, I think of that mom friend and how irritated she must have felt towards me then.  I don’t blame her, because that’s how I feel now!  Even when the children are polite and ask nicely or wait patiently for their turn.  I have been told many times that my kids are hard to resist… but I cannot say it enough:  PLEASE ASK ME FIRST.

Moms are already the bad cop by default, and we don’t want anything else to reinforce that unless it’s absolutely necessary.  Often enough we’re the rule enforcer, the one that’s more strict, and the “un-fun” one (as my niece would say).  We have rules that you may not know about.  And we have rules that are different from your own, for reasons you may not understand.  I’m personally happy to share ours when asked though, and I would guess that other moms would too.

What if the child is allergic to something you offer, or it’s against the doctor’s orders?  Only a mother will know.  And it’s safe to assume that if the nanny also tells you so — then take heed (because in my case) she has been properly briefed.

Another thing is to ask mom IN PRIVATE.  If you dangle chocolates in front of a child’s face and say “Look what I have!  Oh but let’s ask your mom first,” it puts us moms in an awkward position.  And the poor child, it’s like such a big tease to see it and to not be able to get it!  It’s not fair to them and all the more it causes trouble.  But I’ve also found that if I’m consulted first in private, if it doesn’t go against some of our non-negotiables (like no sweets after 6pm), I will bend and compromise.  I’m happy to find a win-win-win solution, because I too like seeing my kids happy and being given special care and treatment.  But I need your cooperation too, as do most moms.

Why should we give every mother this courtesy?  Because all our parenting styles are different.  We all operate under different rules and circumstances.  This small effort is a subtle way to show mom, “I respect your style.”  Letting mom know can also help her plan a little better.  And give us moms the benefit of the doubt.  We don’t want to be mean or difficult, just because.  In the end, whatever happens to our children, be it a tummy ache, an allergic reaction or a tantrum — we have to deal with it.  We have to explain why and why not.  It’s all on us.

Something else needs to be said too.  When you ask — WAIT FOR A RESPONSE.  Some people know the “rule”, are great at asking — but they don’t bother waiting for mom to reply!  They just do what they want anyway.  Why ask then, out of posterity?!

How can you expect them NOT to want it? It’s a totally unfair test of E.Q.

Once I was asked if Sam could have chocolates (this was before lunch).  I said yes she can have a few but after she eats a proper meal (who doesn’t know that chocolates ruin a child’s good appetite anyway?!).  The chocolates were left in front of my poor daughter who just kept staring at them.  After a few minutes of Sam’s prodding (that I was so patiently trying to ward off), my instructions were ignored and Sam was told she could reach into the box and take a small bite.  That’s not exactly very helpful is it?!

This is for all the other moms and parents who go through the same things I do.  I am completely aware — no one purposely wants to cause trouble, or break the rules.  Everyone just wants to help or to please the child.  But I hope this helps us all realize that the best help you can give is to mom by asking first (and listening next of course).   Just respect that boundary, and things will go smoothly.  Everyone will get what they want, and we’ll all live happily ever after.

he just realized, marriage is not for him

Love & Kisses ✿ sha 1 comments
yes he just realized, marriage is not for him.

Marriage Isn’t For You

Kim and I
Kim & I
Having been married only a year and a half, I’ve recently come to the conclusion that marriage isn’t for me.

Now before you start making assumptions, keep reading.
I met my wife in high school when we were 15 years old. We were friends for ten years until…until we decided no longer wanted to be just friends. :) I strongly recommend that best friends fall in love. Good times will be had by all.

Nevertheless, falling in love with my best friend did not prevent me from having certain fears and anxieties about getting married. The nearer Kim and I approached the decision to marry, the more I was filled with a paralyzing fear. Was I ready? Was I making the right choice? Was Kim the right person to marry? Would she make me happy?

Then, one fateful night, I shared these thoughts and concerns with my dad.

Perhaps each of us have moments in our lives when it feels like time slows down or the air becomes still and everything around us seems to draw in, marking that moment as one we will never forget.
My dad giving his response to my concerns was such a moment for me. With a knowing smile he said, “Seth, you’re being totally selfish. So I’m going to make this really simple: marriage isn’t for you. You don’t marry to make yourself happy, you marry to make someone else happy. More than that, your marriage isn’t for yourself, you’re marrying for a family. Not just for the in-laws and all of that nonsense, but for your future children. Who do you want to help you raise them? Who do you want to influence them? Marriage isn’t for you. It’s not about you. Marriage is about the person you married.”

It was in that very moment that I knew that Kim was the right person to marry. I realized that I wanted to make her happy; to see her smile every day, to make her laugh every day. I wanted to be a part of her family, and my family wanted her to be a part of ours. And thinking back on all the times I had seen her play with my nieces, I knew that she was the one with whom I wanted to build our own family.

My father’s advice was both shocking and revelatory. It went against the grain of today’s “Walmart philosophy”, which is if it doesn’t make you happy, you can take it back and get a new one.

No, a true marriage (and true love) is never about you. It’s about the person you love—their wants, their needs, their hopes, and their dreams. Selfishness demands, “What’s in it for me?”, while Love asks, “What can I give?”

Some time ago, my wife showed me what it means to love selflessly. For many months, my heart had been hardening with a mixture of fear and resentment. Then, after the pressure had built up to where neither of us could stand it, emotions erupted. I was callous. I was selfish.

But instead of matching my selfishness, Kim did something beyond wonderful—she showed an outpouring of love. Laying aside all of the pain and aguish I had caused her, she lovingly took me in her arms and soothed my soul.

I realized that I had forgotten my dad’s advice. While Kim’s side of the marriage had been to love me, my side of the marriage had become all about me. This awful realization brought me to tears, and I promised my wife that I would try to be better.

To all who are reading this article—married, almost married, single, or even the sworn bachelor or bachelorette—I want you to know that marriage isn’t for you. No true relationship of love is for you. Love is about the person you love.

And, paradoxically, the more you truly love that person, the more love you receive. And not just from your significant other, but from their friends and their family and thousands of others you never would have met had your love remained self-centered.

Truly, love and marriage isn’t for you.
It’s for others.

What a 4 years old should know?

Love & Kisses ✿ sha 5 comments
aku selalu cakap kat hubby, nanti dah besar, biarlah Danish and Aaira pilih jalan masing2, tak perlu paksa utk belajar pandai2 sgt, jadi dokter or engineer, sebab aku lebih suka jika mereka lalui segala keseronokan dan kesusahan hidup yg aku dan hubby dah rasa.

and to be frank, I prefer them to be a teacher or run their own business, and have control of their own time.

Danish is almost 3 and I know he's a brilliant kid. I don't have to teach him abc or 123 or alif ba ta, and he already knows everything. I let him play whatever it is that he wants to play, tengok la kartun sampai la mama suruh tido, and I let him enjoy his life as a toddler for now.

kawan2 aku ramai yg dah plan nak hantar anak-anak ke kelas piano, art classes, kumon, nuri, etc2 tapi pd aku, entah ya.

the time will come.

as long as he's happy, healthy, menurut cakap ibu bapa, then all is well with me. aku lebih risau jika nanti dia terjebak dgn kawan2 yg tak berapa nak baik, and things likes drugs and all that, daripada nak risaukan dia tak dpt straight A's in UPSR.

bukan la maksud aku tak payah belajar pandai2, belajar tetap kena belajar, but there's more to life than being the top of the class. not necessarily to be number 1. number 3 or 4 is ok what?

and read this is hokey.
it is something good yg patut semua ibu bapa tahu.

Written by a Pre-School Teacher – It says it all!

I was on a parenting bulletin board recently and read a post by a mother who was worried that her 4 1/2 year old did not know enough. “What should a 4 year old know?” she asked.

Most of the answers left me not only saddened but pretty soundly annoyed. One mom posted a laundry list of all of the things her son knew. Counting to 100, planets, how to write his first and last name, and on and on. Others chimed in with how much more their children already knew, some who were only three. A few posted URL’s to lists of what each age should know. The fewest yet said that each child develops at his own pace and not to worry.

It bothered me greatly to see these mothers responding to a worried mom by adding to her concern, with lists of all the things their children could do that hers couldn’t. We are such a competitive culture that even our pre-schoolers have become trophies and bragging rights. Childhood shouldn’t be a race.

So here, I offer my list of what a 4 year old should know.

She should know that she is loved wholly and unconditionally, all of the time.

He should know that he is safe and he should know how to keep himself safe in public, with others, and in varied situations. He should know that he can trust his instincts about people and that he never has to do something that doesn’t feel right, no matter who is asking. He should know his personal rights and that his family will back them up.

She should know how to laugh, act silly, be goofy and use her imagination. She should know that it is always okay to paint the sky orange and give cats 6 legs.

He should know his own interests and be encouraged to follow them. If he could care less about learning his numbers, his parents should realize he’ll learn them accidentally soon enough and let him immerse himself instead in rocket ships, drawing, dinosaurs or playing in the mud.

She should know that the world is magical and that so is she. She should know that she’s wonderful, brilliant, creative, compassionate and marvellous. She should know that it’s just as worthy to spend the day outside making daisy chains, mud pies and fairy houses as it is to practice phonics. Scratch that– way more worthy.

But more important, here’s what parents need to know.

That every child learns to walk, talk, read and do algebra at his own pace and that it will have no bearing on how well he walks, talks, reads or does algebra.

That the single biggest predictor of high academic achievement and high ACT scores is reading to children. Not flash cards, not workbooks, not fancy preschools, not blinking toys or computers, but mom or dad taking the time every day or night (or both!) to sit and read them wonderful books.

That being the smartest or most accomplished kid in class has never had any bearing on being the happiest. We are so caught up in trying to give our children “advantages” that we’re giving them lives as multi-tasked and stressful as ours. One of the biggest advantages we can give our children is a simple, carefree childhood.

That our children deserve to be surrounded by books, nature, art supplies and the freedom to explore them.

Most of us could get rid of 90% of our children’s toys and they wouldn’t be missed, but some things are important– building toys like lego and blocks, creative toys like all types of art materials (good stuff), musical instruments (real ones and multicultural ones), dress up clothes and books, books, books. (Incidentally, much of this can be picked up quite cheaply at thrift shops.)

They need to have the freedom to explore with these things too– to play with scoops of dried beans in the high chair (supervised, of course), to knead bread and make messes, to use paint and play dough and glitter at the kitchen table while we make supper even though it gets everywhere, to have a spot in the yard where it’s absolutely fine to dig up all the grass and make a mud pit.

That our children need more of us. We have become so good at saying that we need to take care of ourselves that some of us have used it as an excuse to have the rest of the world take care of our kids. Yes, we all need undisturbed baths, time with friends, sanity breaks and an occasional life outside of parenthood. But we live in a time when parenting magazines recommend trying to commit to 10 minutes a day with each child and scheduling one Saturday a month as family day. That’s not okay!

Our children don’t need Nintendos, computers, after school activities, ballet lessons, play groups and soccer practice nearly as much as they need US. They need fathers who sit and listen to their days, mothers who join in and make crafts with them, parents who take the time to read them stories and act like idiots with them. They need us to take walks with them and not mind the .1 MPH pace of a toddler on a spring night. They deserve to help us make supper even though it takes twice as long and makes it twice as much work. They deserve to know that they’re a priority for us and that we truly love to be with them.

and yes, this is what a 4 year old should know.

something sweet!

Love & Kisses ✿ sha 2 comments
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Contact No : 019 6555700 / 011 27345015
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I have a very sweet tooth, and teringat dulu waktu study di MMU, pernah berulang-alik ke Secret Recipe almost everyday to buy their delicious cakes. tapi la ni, bila dah rasa segala kek buatan my sis-in-law who is our official chef at Cheezylicious Cakes, dah tak teringin lansung ke Secret Recipe.

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by the way, dearest hubby is the owner of Cheezylicious Cakes. I'm just helping out with designing, advertising plus this and that.

dengan Charms & Colors yg tak putus-putus order, dengan cik Aaira & cik Danish yg sedang comel berlain-larian ke sana ke mari sambil conteng-conteng dinding rumah, dengan my current full time job here at an O&G company, that's more than enough :)

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blog ni start sebab aku nak kawin dulu, kan. segala persediaan menghadapi saat2 manis perkahwinan, segala DIY, memang aku tulis semua di sini. and when I had the chance to do things yg memang aku suka, of course I am overly ecstatic!

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Love & Kisses ✿ sha 0 comments

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